Fat is Slimy

Slimy Adjective Covered by or having the consistency of slime. Disgustingly immoral, dishonest, or obsequious.

Synonyms muddy - oozy - mucous - sludgy

Yes, fat is slimy and pretty oozy. However, I disagree that it is disgustingly immoral, dishonest, or obsequious. Frankly, I don't know what obsequious means but I'm sure fat is not it. The other day I spent a few hours searching for kid-friendly paleo websites for my sister-in-law. While I was on the hunt, I came across directions for rendering fat. Naturally, I wanted to try it. Scratch that, I had to try it. James being the stand-up guy that he is inquired about fat from the butcher at Whole Foods. It turns out you can get grass fed fat for free! You can imagine how excited I was to have two pounds of straight fat in my refrigerator after a long day of work. 

The directions are pretty easy, the only thing you want to avoid is burning the fat. So, on Saturday morning I diced the fat and removed any remaining pieces of protein (this will make your rendered fat spoil with time) and placed it in the crock pot on warm. Here are the following steps that I completed, even though they were not recommended by the website I found:

1. Set alarm  on your iPhone for 35ish minutes

2. Nap on the couch while "The Last of the Mohicans" is playing in the background.

3. Wake up angry because your alarm woke you up on a Saturday and stir the fat.

3. Reset your alarm and continue to nap. 

4. Turn down the movie because it's getting too loud.

5. Continue to nap until the alarm goes off.

6. Wake up dazed and confused about why you're waking up to stir fat.

7. Add a glass of water to the fat because you don't want to reset your alarm...again. (The water will stop it from burning)

8. Let simmer for several hours.

9. Wake up from your awesome nap, shower, and attend your sister-in-law's b-day party.

10. Drink too much wine. Eat too much cheese.

11. Sleep the entire next day away because of step # 10.

12. Turn off the crock pot.

13. Pour delicious, magnificent, pure fat into a jar and place in the fridge. 

Note: you can leave it in the fridge as is, or you can poke a hole through the clean fat and pour out the water from the bottom. If I wouldn't have added the glass of water, it would have turned out to be pure fat. Wet rendering requires you to drain out the water...if you wish. 

This is my awesome tank top that I won from Paleomg and Civilized Caveman. I like it so much that I plan out the days I'm going to wear it to the gym. Seriously.